It’s been a few days since I’m back to France, the country which welcomed me into this world more than 36 years ago now.
Everything is still so messy in my head, and in my heart. But for sure, people I left have kept the same personality, which is a good thing; it helps me to remember some frames of references, and to re-adapt quicker. It’s also interesting to observe how people react when I’m around them again. Some are so curious and full of interrogations, while some are completely distant and not interested about my adventure. I sometimes feel offended but I have to understand that everyone has got a life. And it’s okay at the end, we’re all different!
What is not okay, to me at least, are the racist remarks. I already had to face -too- many and I don’t have time for intolerance anymore. I can’t even share the comments with you because I’m too ashamed. But Africans, the black community in general, Arabs, and the Muslim community are definitely still a big subject across Europe and with people closer to me.
Questions like ‘Charline tell us the truth, did you convert to Islam or are you willing to? Be careful’, or ‘come on, you can’t live in Africa’, etc, are literally pissing me off. Excuse my language.
And what if I want to convert to a religion? And what if I want to marry an African man and to live deep in the African bush? And what if I cover my head? Or what if I keep on being a nomad with no harbours anymore? It’s my life and these things are personal. Even more: these aspects of my life will never harm anyone.
I already had to face a dramatic situation with one of my siblings who literally insulted me for driving through the Middle East, and that I am a traitor. Well, if opening my eyes, my mind, and my heart and to share this process is to be a traitor, I take it.
I don’t have a house, nor kids, I’m not married, and I don’t even look for a boyfriend, I have no investments, no job, but I feel rich. I feel blessed to have fought to understand the world we all live in. Yes, I sadly never read books, but I seek History with my car. And today, more than EVER, I will keep fighting to seek even MORE.
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